You know I love people watching. I do it whenever I can get away with not looking creepy, and I sometimes make up stories based on what I’m seeing. I invent careers, families, histories, medical backgrounds, and best birthday gifts ever. (It’s a sickness, I know.) Recently I had another opportunity but this time I was focusing on hair.
I was seated somewhere I needed to be quiet and pay attention for a very long time. Like, two-hours-and-fifteen-minutes long time. I am not a very patient person, just moderately patient, so naturally my attention wandered. After I checked my phone countless times to keep me awake, I thought it would be a good idea to maybe keep my head up and eyes ahead instead of bowed over and fixated on my lap. (This was not a situation where it would look like I was praying. In fact, it would have looked like I was having a massive hangover, so not good form.) I started looking at the women’s hairstyles.
First, I counted how many women were blonde, which took a bit of time. Then I counted how many women were naturally blonde, which took almost no time at all. I counted brunettes and the varying degrees of darkness: black to dark brown all the way to chestnut and auburn and that in-between mousy brown and dirty blonde. After that, it was on to style. There were virtually no women who had straight hairstyles, as almost everyone had some sort of layered look with varying heights. Those whose hair was probably naturally straight usually had very short cuts which looked expensive and time-consuming in terms of upkeep; one gal had apparently given up entirely and thrown it all back in a messy ponytail, but for all I know it was a carefully-planned messy ponytail because I wished I looked that good in a ponytail. I look like a 1920s gangster who has their hair slicked back which is a really stunning take on fashion for me. (Clue: that’s sarcasm.) There were the careful curling-iron styles which is current right now and reminds me of the 1970s Farrah Fawcett look of I-just-got-out-of-bed-tumbled-curls-but-this-really-took-me-hours-and-half-a-bottle-of-hairspray. You can tell when they turn their heads and the hair moves with them like a helmet that there’s nothing natural about that style.
Me? I’m a dark-brown, shoulder length, slightly angled cut that I don’t really do anything special with except dry it after a shower. If I need to go someplace I’ll put a small dollop of mousse in the front before I dry it so I have a fighting chance of it not collapsing in the first ten minutes of emerging outdoors. If I have to go all out, I break out the hot rollers. Hello 1980! Even then, it’s not something that lasts longer than a few hours. I once asked the miracle worker who cuts my hair why it always collapses since I don’t have thin hair, and other hairstyles on other women seem to stay in place for days. Her reply: “Your hair is too healthy.”