Facing the Monster

It was a very bad time for me last Spring.  It is now almost Fall, and I am so much better and in a strange way, grateful.  Today I took a final step and revisited the scene of the crime.  Granted, I only went to the parking lot and only saw three of my former colleagues, but I went to the physical location without having an emotional upheaval.  As I sat in the parking lot waiting for my friend to meet me, I was watching the students come out of the building.  (Oh my gosh, creeper much?)  I was wearing sunglasses and my hair has gotten really long, and nobody really bothered to look into my car so I was pretty much anonymous.  And instead of seeing former students and missing them and crying, I was seeing the students that were the trouble-makers and the difficult ones and actually being glad that I wasn’t doing this any more.

I realized that I cared for my students way more than they cared for me, which is exactly how it should be, but it was the final “whew” that let me realize I’m in the right place right now, and it is all going to be okay.  

Which means it took me only one hundred and fourteen days to lose it all and slowly climb back.

And I’m back.

 

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