What a Feeling



I’ve been having all the feels lately, and it has only partly to do with missing my job.  I would be hugging colleagues right about now, separated by our too-short summer break and eager to catch up with news of family, friends, and events.  At this time tomorrow I would be hugging students that need that “I’m happy to see you” hug that sets the year off right.  But I’m not doing that and it feels.

I also have lots of feels because Older Daughter just moved back home.  This is not the typical-among-my-friends move where I have to shuffle stuff out of her room and grumble because I’ve lost my freedom: I am genuinely happy that she’s home and I’m happy to move stuff out of her room (especially since most of it belonged to Hubby – hee hee).  Last night we watched Brave together (my first time, her second) and we both were crying at the end, her cuddled in my arms and neither of us saying anything, and how great is it that there’s finally a mother-daughter movie from the abandoned-daughter-factory-known-as-Disney?  (hey, I guess it’s overused hyphen day again here at Tea and Sarcasm.)  She is a good part of the feels.

Then there’s someone who is so beloved to me who is having some issues right now and I can’t do anything about it.  I’m on the sidelines, cheering silently, when all I want to do is fix it and make it better but I don’t have that power.  I can only do the feels from a distance and try not to get in the way too much, just enough.  It’s a strange balancing act that I’m learning here, and I really wish this stuff came with a manual because you would think after all this time of being an adult there’d be less of a learning curve, but no, let’s just invent new stuff and not teach you how to handle it.  I got some feels about that, boy, but let’s let that simmer for a bit.

I’ve got the feels for something else, something that reminds me of a car idling at a red light and looking around at the scenery and wondering what’s over that next rise in the road, and will it be a magnificent view or a time-sucking detour and how will it affect my ultimate destination?  It’s this upcoming year of not teaching: I’m idling right now, wondering how this year will play out and what I will learn and will I ever teach again and are my days of giving students welcome-back hugs really over?

Can you feel for me?


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